eggbaconchipsandbeans

Cafe D'Jaconelli, 570 Maryhill Road, Glasgow

This brilliant place was used as a location in Trainspotting, but there's much more to it than that. It's a perfect example of the traditional Italian/Scottish combination of fried food and ice-cream

Lovely egg. Lovely bacon. Lovely chips. Lovely beans. Lovely.

All your necessary condiments. Right there. Ready to go.

There's this perfect engraving/etching thing on the door - with a brilliant design that shows you a huge ice-cream with an ashtry and cigarette next to it. The Scots know what's good for them. Fry-ups. Ice-cream. Fags.

It's just gorgeous. The deep red leather. The fish tank. That beautiful lamp.

All this and really nice people. Really friendly.

Stracathro Services, A90, North of Brechin

This place is absolutely superb. A glorious stop on a splendid road. Respect to Anne at i like for alerting us all to it. I presume the sign means 'you could go a long way and do worse'. I like that sentiment. Modest and persuasive at the same time.

They deal with a demanding audience of truckers, so as you'd expect, the ebcb is magnificent. Generous portions. Speedy cooking. Lovely taste. I especially like that mottled texture on the egg.

Simple condiment configuration. You don't see so many of this kind of salt/pepper things these days. I wonder why not.

The inside of the place is brilliant. Simple and clean. With big windows and lights like my mum and dad used to have in their living room.

And it's not just about food. There's potted plants too. Just incase you've forgotten a gift for your Aunty in Brechin.

Look, a choice of soup. There's a lot of fancy restaurants that don't offer you a choice of soup.

And a splendid shop; everything you need on the road.

I presume these were flagpoles once. We should get a collection together to put some flags back up.

And the trucks gathered in the car park have that stirring look of Convoy about them. I bet there's a Norbert Dentressangle in there somewhere.

Fortes Restaurant, 15 Hide Hill, Berwick Upon Tweed

This place has got everything. It's lovely. Friendly. Charming. Tasty food. Great signage.

I love the peculiarities of ordering the ebcb. Lots of places you can't get it because they don't do chips. Some places you have to negotiate variants on their set breakfast. Here you have to get a bacon and egg bun - then add some chips and beans. Perfectly fair. And actually a splendid meal. The extra bread is lovely. The chips are fat and crisp, the beans nicely positioned with lots of juice.

I love these busy counters. All sorts of stuff available. Everything you could want. Ice-cream. Sweeties. And those great food photos on the back wall. Looks like they were shot at some point in the 70s.

Nice coloured glass bricks by the door there.

They've got these fantastic fast food trays. From the proud and noble era when fast food wasn't a dirty idea - just a convenient innovation.

Got to have a fish tank.

Another of those great things about cafes - the odd places they keep the loos, and they way they direct you to them.

I told you this place has everything - a huge maginficent mural of some people at a different cafe, somewhere else.

And they know their market - none of that 'no pushchairs' nonsense here.

These triangular tables are nice too.

And hidden away at the back - a little room with a bank of fruit machines squeezed in. And a selection of celebrity photographs featuring ice-cream. There's more of these in the front window. This is stuff I love about cafes. People making an effort, people who love their place. This is why I eat in this kind of place.

Look - something else - a splendid metal sculpture thing. This place has everything.

Tower Restaurant, 107 Lumley Road, Skegness

The Tower is one of those huge places you only get at the seaside - designed to extract maximum custom from rainy days and a short summer. It's on the main drag in Skeggy - honoured seaside town of childhood. (If you're from Derby you have to go to Skegness for your holidays.) And it's just across from the Aroma Coffee Bar - also worth a visit.

The ebcb is superb - complimented by the quality crockery you get at the Tower. The very generous bean allocation masks some gorgeous seaside chips and nice pink bacon. And look at that funny egg - it looks a little like an alien seed pod has popped out just a few seconds earlier.

They've gone for that rustic / slightly ski-lodge feeling. Lots of wood and candle-like lights. But they've gone a bit further than most would - with antlers and stuffed birds scattered around the place. And it's huge - seating for 160. Imagine 160 people chomping down on knickerbocker glories and banana splits. That's the glory of the seaside.

Pay your bill or be cursed by The Eagle of The Tower.

Gents is the perfect cafe word. 'Gentlemen' is too formal - too posh. 'Men' is too unfriendly and matter of fact. But 'Gents' is just right. The right mix of friendliness and respect.

Mr Egg, 22 Hurst Road, Birmingham

Mr Egg is a magnificent place in the middle of Birmingham. The ebcb is splendid. Look at that decorative plate for a start. The chips are crisp and delicate, the beans juicey and energetic and the bacon's got that delicious hint of carbonisation. And bless that modest little egg, hiding away at the back there.

The interior is great practical cafe stuff. Easy to clean. Suitable for all kinds of patrons; the drunk and the sober. But it's also got some great little hints of exuberant individuality.

They're obviously equipped to deal with tons of customers - all at once. There's a real industrial feel to some of this stuff.

Perfect place to sit and watch Brum go by.

Sugar is one of those difficult decisions cafes have to make. Will it be sachets, bowls or dispensers? Or will it be - as per Mr Egg - one of these fantastic sugar stations? With, in this instance, a place for the dumping of tea bags. Mr Egg's gone for the plastic spoons but I'm always a fan of the places that have just a few metal spoons - stored in a mug of lukewarm water for extra hygiene.

See the bottom of this sign. Mr Egg managment. Simultaneously sinister and cute. Like the Mafia in Toy Town, running a speakeasy around the back of Noddy's place.

A helpful photographic menu accompanied by charming illustrations of Mr Egg himself.

And the coup de cafe - a large cloth egg stapled to the ceiling.

I don't seem to have a good exterior shot. (Though Pete Ashton's got one here). Except for this great sign outside. You can also eat like a king if you'd prefer.