highly abashed gearhead gnarlyness

(This is a stream of nonsense about cars. Because everytime I see one of metacool's splendid Gearhead Gnarlyness posts I want to write something. But I don't know anything about cars, really.)

I'm getting old. I'm finding toy cars more and more evocative and nostalgic. I was in a model shop with Arthur the other day and found this Battle Kings Tank Transporter and this Bertone Barchetta which overwhelmed me with nostalgia (a bit, I'm not Proust or anything). So I bought them.

(I especially remember the bouncy suspension on the mid 70s Corgi Whizzwheels. They don't make them like that anymore)

And I was in a very nice model car museum near Skegness (it was raining) and saw these rather fine Hot Wheels Blings. And they made me start to think about my relationship with cars.

I've worked on car accounts for most of my career in advertising. A few years on Fiat/Lancia, a few on Nissan and a few on Honda. I've always rather enjoyed it but I never really fit in. Because I'm not a  petrolhead. We used to the British Grand Prix all the time and I spent the whole time complaining about the noise. We'd drive a selection of exotic sports vehicles and I'd try and get everyone to slow down. The first time I took a company car home to show my Mum and Dad it was a Nissan 300ZX and I was proudest of the carphone in it. I probably never got it above 80mph. (Apart from the time I spun one, showing off to some creatives, which finally proved to me that I was not built to drive fast.)

But it's not that I don't like driving or cars. I love driving and cars. I just don't like driving fast. And I don't like all the stuff you're supposed to like about cars.

This seems to capture more of the essence of 'car-ness' than some fancy Porsche or Ferrari.

I love the way we use cars to say so much about ourselves. They're such a conscious, careful and expressive brand choice. And I love the way we turn them into our little worlds. (The best ever expression of this is Martin Parr's From A To B and the accompanying TV programme - does anyone have a tape of that? This picture's from there.) And I love the romance of driving. Late nights. Shouting along to the radio. Truck stops. All that.

This is probably my dream vehicle. I'd love one of these. But if not available at large scale I'd settle for this.

But I hate the complacency of the car industry. They promise so much and deliver so little. (Which is why Honda was such a refreshing change). But the thing that constantly gets me is the paucity of the design imagination. Hot Wheels, Matchbox and Funkmaster Flex can come up with stuff that actually excites people. Interesting shapes. New ideas. But the car industry? Nothing.

Which is why I've started collecting vehicle designs that actually seem interesting to me. Like these fantastic looking RNLI rescue vehicles. Look at the shapes and the scale of these things. This is what we were promised in the 70s.

You're not telling me there wouldn't be a consumer market for one of these. It might be slow but it'll out Hummer a Hummer.

(Finally a front three-quarter facing right, I knew we'd get there eventually)

Or look at this. Finally someone has taken their design cues from Gerry Anderson. But why does it have to be a crane? Why can't it be some cool, hybrid, electric truck? That's how we'll persuade people to give up the gas guzzlers. By building stuff that looks like the future was supposed to look, not cute little smart cars.

Anyway. Hmm. I'm getting interested in cars again. It's been a while. More on a car theme later. (And it's become clear to me. Basically, I like big wheels.)

Comments

[jack]

Interesting post.
What is it exactly that we're supposed to like about cars?
I'm an absolute car nut and have also worked on a few car brands (porsche, ford). But being a petrolhead helped and hurt in equal measure.
Try getting someone excited about having to start a car with your left hand when they can't even be bothered to use it to shift gear.

[Ben]

1. Martin Parr is a genius. And those TV programmes he did were amazing (can someone interview him please?)

2. I’ve been to 3 Grand Prix’s and fallen asleep in the middle of every one of them.

3. If I ever met a car designer I would say, “How come all the sketches always look like this... and then all the cars always look like this? What goes wrong in the middle bit?”

[Diego]

Wonderful post. Loved every word of it (as usual).

Actually, I'm not a big fan of automobiles. And I hate hate hate driving on the freeways.

But I do love a winding road and a good car.

[Matt Jones]

The RNLI vehicles are awesome. I've long maintained that the most desirable and stylish cars are the ones with enough flat, faceted surfaces to weld gunplatforms and improvised weapons onto when the balloon goes up.

Also - the derek meddings/mike trim thunderbirds lo-slung cab with MASSIVE wheels aesthetic is a winner too.

This maybe a necessary purchase:
http://www.fabgearusa.com/thunderbirds_mechanic_file_book.html

as might this be:
http://www.fabgearusa.com/the_future_was_fab_the_art_of_mike_trim_book.html

[chadlock]

did you see that in the US, the toy you get right now in the Happy Meals is a Hummer? not connected to a movie, or anything, just connection to the brand at a very very young age.

[russell]

Ah Matt. Excellent finds. May have to get those. And nice to see someone still planning on the balloon going up.