A correspondent writes to tell me that a good advisor asks good questions (as well as offers encouragement).
Which is an excuse for this blog post - a small bundle of questions I've collected.
This is probably the thing I've said to most people over coffee. And the thing that's made the most difference to what I do at work. I really try and do this. And these are great questions.
"So, each and every week these leaders have a brief check-in with each team member, during which they ask two simple questions: What are your priorities this week? How can I help?"
From Nine Lies About Work
And then there's the question which I seem to have misremembered and stolen credit for in this interview. I think of it as "What are you really good at, which is also really hard?" But I think I got it from Scott Galloway.
It's a great strategy question, a good interview question. And can fill a lull in conversation.
And speaking of lulls in conversation...Leil Lowndes has a lovely suggestion for upgrading your small talk gently. Don't ask new people 'what do you do?' ask them 'how do you spend your time?'. This gives them much more freedom to answer interestingly, revealingly or playfully.
Caroline Webb has a bunch of similarly useful alternative suggestions in How to Have a Good Day:
Not “Have you thought of XYZ?” but “How are you thinking about this?”
Not “Is the reason you’re struggling because this is all new to you?” but “What’s making it feel hard?”
Not “Could you make things better by delegating more?” but “What would the ideal situation look like for you?”
And if you want to ask about people’s personal lives, you could get beyond the normal “How was your weekend?” with a question like “What do you do outside work? How did you develop an interest in that?”
She also says this:
"When I’m in a group that’s discussing an important issue, I actually like to go one step further. Whether or not I’m chairing the meeting, I suggest that everyone—even those who’ve already spoken—answer a thought-provoking question, such as: “If there were something we were missing here, what would it be?” “If there were a completely different way to see this, what would it be?” “If there were one thing that worried you about this, what would it be?”
And, if we're discussing questions we shouldn't forget Arthur Aron and Elaine Spauling's 36 questions designed to create intimacy amongst strangers. I've never asked anyone these myself, but it feels like it'd be good food for thought if you were trying to create strong relationships in all sorts of contexts. As they say: ‘one key pattern associated with the development of close relationships among peers is sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personal self-disclosure’.
And Laurie Anderson's questions always make we want to think of more interesting things to ask. Like Oblique Strategies without the Big Tarot Energy.
And then, of course, there's the importance of not asking questions. Like this bit from Agency:
"Netherton said nothing, something he’d only recently been learning to deliberately do."
Or, indeed.